SE1 book

Ha! Take more than a flaming Raven to get me out of this jam, said Simon, and this Crown is not really my sort of thing at all. Dare say it's been fenced by some villian and if I'm caught with it, that'll be the end of MY career in politics. So what I think we should do is this:

So off they went to Jasper's gaff, which was, surprisingly enough, a rather swish pad close to the river. As Simon sank into the squashy leather sofa and gratefully accepted the cup of coffee he breathed a sigh of relief and plonked The Crown on the coffee table. At that moment..

the doorbell rang.

"Pizza delivery!" the guy shouted.

of course, no one knew who'd ordered pizza, and all sorts of things went through their heads.

"quick! hide!"
"out the back door!"
"It's the Rozzers!"

we all stopped in surprise when the raven landed on the door handle and opened the door. "I hope there's extra anchovies on this - £5 it's a bloomin rip off if you ask me, but when a raven's hungry, a raven's hungry.... what? don't look at me like that! I ordered it on my iphone as we were walking back here. Best pizzas in SE1 by a long way!"

Lib Dems dont normally eat Pizza...so New Labour, but then again, peckish is peckish, and along with the Raven our Simon tucked in relieved that that was who had been at the door. However, this was only a temporary solution to what had become a major problem. How to get shot of this incriminating bit of bling, and save his political career, being the stalwart Member for the residents of SE1. The Raven had nodded off after bolting a huge pizza (with extra anchovies), so it seemed like a good moment to...

run like buggery.

but he didn't, because his mind was working overtime, and he'd amazingly come up with a cunning plan, so cunning that not only could you stick a tail on it and call it fox, but you could also send it over the top, and it'd come back with 12 saveloy, and a code cipher for the German Enigma machine.

and his plan was this...

,,as the Raven was snoring away in the corner after his huge pizza, Simon carefully placed The Crown over the Raven's head, pushed it well down, and then threw a napkin over the bird's eyes. Hence, like all birds, the Raven thought it was night time, and continued sleeping like a baby. This gave Simon his break,..

he leapt across the room, yanked open the door, and ran straight into the raised fist of a police officer just about to knock the door.

"Thank god for that!" said Simon, quite in shock.
"you've arrived just in time. Arrest that crow! and anyone else you can find in these rooms. They've stolen The Crown jewels, and they took me hostage, and I've only just this moment managed to escape"

"that's not why I'm here sir" said the copper, wheeling in a hi-fi on top of a speaker, on a trolley.

she pressed play on the tape deck, and sexy music started playing. "I hear it's your birthday" she said, in a sultry whisper, taking off her hat, throwing it across the room, and wrapping her arms around Simon's neck. "And you've been a very, very, naughty boy!"

"Er...hold on," said Simon," I..er..bat for the other side..I think it's the Raven's birthday you've been sent to celebrate. He's fast asleep,but I think I'll leave you two to get on with it,and meantime I've got a constituency surgery to attend. Here, take THIS.." and with that he thrust The Crown into the policewoman's hands, (she was now down to her bra and mini-skirt). "Wait a second" said the officer, "this isn't part of the job I was sent to do I think I'll..."