Friday 9 February 2007 3.02pm
Jokes on chat forums can be a bit of a minefield with regard to political correctness. Here's one that shouldn't offend.
Pa decided to move his family out to the Prairie where he would build a big ranch and make his living from the land. Within the year, he had built a magnificent ranch and was ready to prepare the land for farming. The last thing he did before setting out to the fields was to install a huge bell on the front porch. He told Ma that, if anything really bad happened, she should ring the bell and he would come a runnin'.
The next day, Pa was toiling away when he heard the bell ringing in the distance. He immediately downed tools and ran the mile back to the ranch. When he arrived he gasped “what's the matter Ma?” to which she replied: “Well it's these kids. They've been playing up all mornin' and they won't eat what they're given. I've been a' trippin' on their toys all day and I've just had enough”! Pa counted to ten and told Ma that she should only ring the bell if something really bad happened as it was a long way back from the field.
On the following day, Pa was busy turning the soil when he heard the bell ring again. He immediately downed tools and ran as fast as he could back to the ranch. He arrived to find Ma standing in the mud, surrounded by the laundry which she had washed that morning. Pa sat on the porch swing and wheezed "What's happened Ma"? Ma burst into tears and replied: “It's that damn bull! He broke out of the pen and has run amok through the garden. I've been washing sheets all mornin' and just look at them! They're all covered in dirt”!! I HATE it here”!!!! Pa was furious and said: “I've told you to only ring that bell when something bad happens. If you call me back from the fields again when nuthin' bad has happened, I'll BEAT you with a big stick”. With that, Pa turned and walked back to the fields.
The following morning, Pa returned to the fields and was busy sowing seeds when he heard the bell ring again. He dropped his tools, picked up the biggest stick he could find, and ran back to the ranch. Upon arrival, he saw Ma on the porch with a tomahawk through her head. The kids were all stuck through with arrows and the ranch house was on fire. Pa paused for breath and said:
“That's more like it”.
No matter how I struggle and strive, I'll never get out of this world alive. - Little Willys