Friday afternoon fun (again)

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Friday 16 February 2007 5.39pm
These are excerpts from history exams set in - you guessed it - the US of A.

Without the Greeks, we wouldn't have history. The Greeks invented three kinds of columns -Corinthian, Doric and Ironic. They were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. They also had myths. A myth is a female moth. One myth says that the mother of Achilles dipped him in the River Stynx until he became intolerable. Achilles appears in "The Illiad", by Homer. Homer also wrote the "Oddity", in which Penelope was the last hardship that Ulysses endured on his journey. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but another man of that name.

The government of England was a limited mockery. Henry VIII found walking difficult because he had an abbess on his knee. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a success. When Elizabeth exposed herself before her troops, they all shouted hurrah. Then her navy went out and defeated the Spanish Armadillo. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. Shakespeare never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He lived in Windsor with his merry wives, writing tragedies, comedies and errors, all in Islamic pentameter. In one of Shakespeare's famous plays, Hamlet rations out his situation by relieving himself in a long soliloquy. In another, Lady Macbeth tries to convince Macbeth to kill the King by attacking his manhood. Romeo and Juliet are an example of heroic couplet. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote "Donkey Hote". The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote "Paradise Lost." Then his wife dies and he wrote "Paradise Regained."
Friday 2 March 2007 9.16am
OK - I know it's not Friday afternoon yet but here goes.

An elderly gentleman walks into Aspreys on a Saturdya afternoon with a stunning young girl and asks to see diamond rings. The first one shown to him is 6,000 and he rejects it off hand saying he wants something really special. He eventually settles for a 40,000 sparkler and the girl is over the moon. However, the gentleman obviously does not have that kind of money on him and the banks are closed. So he writes a cheque and tells the slightly worried jeweller he will come back after the weekend to collect The Ring once the funds have cleared.

On Monday the jeweller rings the gentleman and is very apologetic about the fact that the cheque has not cleared due to insufficient funds. Never mind says the gentleman, I had a great weekend......

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