The beauty of SE1 is that it has both Borough Market and the E&C shopping centre (which a Spanish friend of mine describes as "a carnival"). The strange thing about SE1 is its invisibility to other Londoners. The tube map is probably to blame for the almost universally held belief that the Elephant is somewhere near Croydon. I am torn between putting people right about the benefits of leaving here and keeping quiet so we can have it all to ourselves. The style of SE1 is almost like living on an island with the river forming a natural boundary in 3 directions. There is nowhere else in London where you can take a walk and see so many landmarks and quirky bits all mixed up. Nothing is far away. We could do with more green space in places though and personally, I'd like a New Zealand style coffee shop serving flat whites as nobody does coffee as perfectly as NZ.
In the newly formed Alpine foothills, through which, the Romantische Strasse (which has now replaced the Old Kent Road) now snakes, I would build Tharg's cider house, The Bricklayer's Arms. Here you will be able choose from any of the 5 draught ciders, and three draught perrys, that are always on offer. There will also be several draught beers from England, Germany, Belgium, and the Czech Republic. There will also be an enormous range of fine wines. Non-drinkers will be most welcome, with an array of infusions, cordials, and freshly pressed fruit juices. All of the above will be available at 50p a glass.
Discrete entertainment will be provided in one of the bars, where a string quartet will play. A Dean organ will be installed in another of the bars: http://www.deanorgans.co.uk/deanorganshomepage.htm while another bar will be home to the SE1 Debating Society.
There will be a very large beer garden, where you will find a collection of aeolian harps.
Pub games can be played: darts, quoits, cribbage, and dominos. There'll also be a skittle alley. There will be food too, with concessions run by Diwana's Bhel Poori House of Drummond Street, Mildred's of Lexington Street, kebab's from Tas, fish and chips from Olley's, and all day breakfasts from Borough Café.
The Bricklayer's will be open 7 days a week, 24 hours a day, and you will find yourself rubbing shoulders with the most eclectic and cosmopolitan bunch, covering all age ranges.
Free gondolas will ferry customers to and from their homes via the network of canals which also should be in SE1.
Edited to add: And the toilets will be immaculate.
Edited 1 times. Last edit at 18 September 2004 12.39pm by Tharg drinker of pervy.