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Who's at the next table in the Royal Oak?

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Monday 25 April 2005 8.22am
Birdie, (friend of the stars)

I should introduce you to one of my friends (who plays a celeb-spotting game with his colleagues). He's been stuck with a lot of C-listers recently, but you seem to have the magic touch.

...if you press it, they will come.
Monday 25 April 2005 1.23pm
I once gave directions to The Dalai Lama and his mate. They wanted Bond Street. And I nearly ran over Karl Malden but he was big.
Monday 25 April 2005 2.19pm
"The Dalai Lama and his mate. ..."
..around Bond Street? The Dalai Lama... and his... mate?

"Ere guv! I'm the Dalai Laaarma, call me Del for short, and this ere is me mate Larry. Which wayz best for Selfridjies me ole mucker?"

Are you sure it wasn't one of the disciples of the Hare Krishna temple just down the road from Bond Street?
Monday 25 April 2005 2.26pm
> Last week I saw Victoria Wood, Gordon Ramsay and
> Little Mo from Eastenders... they are all far
> smaller than I imagined they should be... based on
> this extensive study I've come to the conclusion
> that all TV folk are little.

They have to be to fit inside the box. A rule of thumb (no pun) is that stature is in direct proportion to the size of screen they were last viewed on. A little known fact is that although it only takes a minute for the shrink-chamber to do its magic, it can take a full 24 hours for telly folk to 'resize' fully.
Monday 25 April 2005 2.45pm
they must dread appearing on mobile phone screens then - big squeeze followed by slow stretch...
Monday 25 April 2005 2.49pm
And how big does that make Ronnie Corbett and Kylie in real life? Can someone ask Pete about the latter, the next time he pops in for a pint?

(Recently saw Jeremy Paxman and he was much shorter and much wider than he looks on the telly)
Monday 25 April 2005 2.53pm
I thought the Dalai Lama was a professional at giving directions.

...if you press it, they will come.
Monday 25 April 2005 3.00pm
No, he gives guidance.
Monday 25 April 2005 5.18pm
In truth the Dalai Lama didn't actually ask me the way to Bond St, his mate did. The DL himself just smiled benignly. I'm sorry, I don't know what you'd call the Dalai Lama's mate.
Tuesday 26 April 2005 6.24am
A Dalai Lamate?
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