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Tell me a joke...

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Current: 24 of 24
Saturday 12 June 2010 9.08pm
My wife asks the daftest questions. She said to me the other day, "Have you been having sex behind my back?"
I had to laugh. I said, "You silly cow, who did you think it was?"
Tuesday 15 June 2010 8.28am
A six year-old boy was in an unusually quiet and thoughtful mood and his dad asked him if he was OK,
"I was just wondering what will happen when my guinnea pig dies," the boy replied. His dad smiled. "You don't want to go woryying about things like that," he said. "But, I can't pretend it won't happen one day, so I would try to lessen the pain for you. I'll take you to Tesco and we can buy some sweets, some lemonade and ice cream. Then we'll get a couple of DVD's and you can invite a couple of your little friends round and you can have a really nice time."
The little boy thought for a moment and then said, "Can we kill it on Saturday, Dad?"
Saturday 19 June 2010 4.47pm
JonR wrote:
a woman goes into a very seedy looking cocktail bar, walks up to the bar and asks for a "double entendre", and the barman gives her one.

Apparently, there was a roadie there - he gave her one too.
Saturday 19 June 2010 5.02pm
A man is sitting in his seat watching the World Cup match, with an empty seat beside him. The guy behind him taps him on the shoulder and says "Excuse me, but whose seat is that?" The man says "It's my wife's" "Ah" says the guy, "so why didnt she come?" "Well, said the man, "she died". "Oh dear, I'm sorry" said the guy, "couldnt another family member or friend have used the seat?" "No", said the man "they're all at the funeral".
Sunday 20 June 2010 9.19am
That's a good one jackie.
Monday 19 July 2010 7.44am
whats the difference between a aussie and a yogart?
Leave the yogart long enough and it will grow a culture!
Monday 19 July 2010 9.09am
An Aussie guy is hitch hiking through Surrey when a smart car pulls up and the posh lady driver offers him a lift. They get talking and she invites him back to her thatched cottage. One thing leads to another and she suggests they make love in front of the log fire. 'Bruce' starts pushing the furniture in to the corners of the room, and when the woman asks what he's doing he says, "I've never been with a Shiela before, but if it's anything like a kangaroo, I'm gonna need some room!"
Monday 19 July 2010 10.07am
The first Aussie joke I ever heard, so probably the oldest.

Bruce is sunbathing on Bondai Beach. Shiela comes along and kicks his foot. "Bruce!" she says. "Thanks to you I'm pregnant! You've got two choices. Either you marry me, or I throw myself off Sydney Bridge."
Bruce opens one eye and says, "You're one in a million, Shiela. You're not only great between the sheets, your a darn good sport!"
Current: 24 of 24

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