Tell me a joke...

Pinched this one off Jack Dee:

A little boy gets separated from his Mother in a supermarket.
The assistant asks "What's your mummy like?"
"Big dicks and Vodka! he replies ...

Cheers Plum. First laugh of the day.

Mr Honda, of the Honda Motor Corporation, died and went to heaven for judgement. At the gates, St. Peter told Mr Honda, "since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven." Mr Honda thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God. I have a question for Him". St. Peter took Mr Honda to the Throne Room and introduced him to God. He then asked God, "Aren't you the inventor of women?" God Said, "Ah, yes. Indeed I am". "Well," said Mr Honda, "Professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your design."

1- There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion.

2- It chatters constantly at high speeds.

3- Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much.

4- The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust.

5- Plus the monthly down time and aggravation are outrageous, and don't even get me started talking about the maintenance costs.

"Hmmmm, you do raise some good points" replied God, "Lets have a wee look." God went to his Celestial super computer, typed in a few things and waited for the results. After a moment God said, "Well, it may be true that my invention seems to be flawed, but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours.."

Tharg, we know the punchline to the Noddy Holder/kipper tie joke, (Birdies coment on page 2), but can you tell us the start of it (or is it too rude?)

It's not rude at all, it's very long, and involves speaking in a broad Black Country accent.

oh I see - cup of tea / kipper tie
milk and two sugars.

Pinched from Max Millar this morning:

I went home and my wife said "We were burgled in the night" so I asked her, "Did he get anything?" and she said, "Well yes, I though it was you".......

or


On a packed tube, "Is this Cockfosters?" "No madam, it's mine".

Yasser Arafat wore a Newcastle shirt, Spurs shorts and Rangers socks on his return home. It was his last wish to be buried in the Gazza strip.

Someone's been reading Popbitch!

Customer--: "Waiter, waiter, this egg is bad"
Waiter--: "Don't blame me madam, I only laid the table"