London SE1 community website

Tell me a joke...

Join in these discussions today! Log in or register.
Current: 8 of 24
Tuesday 12 October 2004 12.25am
Pinched this one off Jack Dee:

A little boy gets separated from his Mother in a supermarket.
The assistant asks "What's your mummy like?"
"Big dicks and Vodka! he replies ...
Tuesday 12 October 2004 8.23am
Cheers Plum. First laugh of the day.

...if you press it, they will come.
Tuesday 12 October 2004 12.55pm
Mr Honda, of the Honda Motor Corporation, died and went to heaven for judgement. At the gates, St. Peter told Mr Honda, "since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven." Mr Honda thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God. I have a question for Him". St. Peter took Mr Honda to the Throne Room and introduced him to God. He then asked God, "Aren't you the inventor of women?" God Said, "Ah, yes. Indeed I am". "Well," said Mr Honda, "Professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your design."

1- There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion.

2- It chatters constantly at high speeds.

3- Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much.

4- The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust.

5- Plus the monthly down time and aggravation are outrageous, and don't even get me started talking about the maintenance costs.

"Hmmmm, you do raise some good points" replied God, "Lets have a wee look." God went to his Celestial super computer, typed in a few things and waited for the results. After a moment God said, "Well, it may be true that my invention seems to be flawed, but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours.."


Thursday 14 October 2004 2.20pm
Tharg, we know the punchline to the Noddy Holder/kipper tie joke, (Birdies coment on page 2), but can you tell us the start of it (or is it too rude?)
Thursday 14 October 2004 2.57pm
It's not rude at all, it's very long, and involves speaking in a broad Black Country accent.
Thursday 14 October 2004 3.43pm
oh I see - cup of tea / kipper tie
milk and two sugars.
Tuesday 19 October 2004 2.15pm
Pinched from Max Millar this morning:

I went home and my wife said "We were burgled in the night" so I asked her, "Did he get anything?" and she said, "Well yes, I though it was you".......

or


On a packed tube, "Is this Cockfosters?" "No madam, it's mine".
Wednesday 17 November 2004 4.47pm
Yasser Arafat wore a Newcastle shirt, Spurs shorts and Rangers socks on his return home. It was his last wish to be buried in the Gazza strip.
Sunday 21 November 2004 11.34pm
Someone's been reading Popbitch!
Sunday 28 November 2004 11.51am
Customer--: "Waiter, waiter, this egg is bad"
Waiter--: "Don't blame me madam, I only laid the table"
Current: 8 of 24

To post a message, please log in or register..
We are part of
Independent Community News Network
Email newsletter

For the latest local news and events direct to your inbox every Monday, you need our weekly email newsletter SE1 Direct.

7,000+ locals read it every week. Can you afford to miss out?

Read the latest issue before signing up

Also on the forum
Views expressed in this discussion forum are those of the contributors and may not reflect the editorial policy of this website. Please read our terms and conditions