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Wednesday 3 November 2004 4.58pm

To the citizens of the United States of America,

In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and
thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation
of your independence, effective today.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical
duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except
Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The rt.
hon. Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been
unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a
minister for America without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be
circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the
following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English
Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation
guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been
pronouncing it. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to
acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty
seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and
"you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of
communication. Look up "interspersed".

2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft
know on your behalf.

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian
accents. It really isn't that hard.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors
as the good guys.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The
Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want
you to get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one
kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a
very good game.

The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your
borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football.
You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play
proper football.

Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a
difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed
to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not
involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full
kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together
at least a US rugby sevens side by 2005.

7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear
weapons if they give you any merde. The 98.85% of you who were not
aware that there is a world outside your borders should count
yourselves lucky. The Russians have never been the bad guys.
"Merde" is French for "sh*t".

8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a
new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called
"Indecisive Day".

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is
for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will
understand what we mean.

10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

Thank you for your cooperation.
Wednesday 3 November 2004 5.31pm
Oh, if only it were all a joke (but LOL anyway)

...if you press it, they will come.
Wednesday 3 November 2004 5.38pm
Should that be November 3rd is a national holiday?
november 8th hasn't happened this year yet (or maybe I missed it).

I want to know who shot JR
Wednesday 3 November 2004 5.57pm
Roadrunner wrote:
> Should that be November 3rd is a national
> holiday?
> november 8th hasn't happened this year yet (or
> maybe I missed it).

It made more sense when this first did the rounds four years ago - when November 8th was the day after election day when Gore first conceded defeat then retrated his concession as the full extent of the Florida chaos became clear

Can't believe anyone didn't get several copies in their e-mail back then!

***Edited twice to get dates and explanation right way round!

Edited 2 times. Last edit at 3 November 2004 6.31pm by Lang Rabbie.
Wednesday 3 November 2004 6.21pm
i think november 8th has to do with the southern states first flying the flag of independence ( my US mate insists...)
Wednesday 3 November 2004 10.09pm
How funny a four year old joke, must have finally gotten around to England then huh? Cast Away and The Perfect Storm should just be arriving in theatres in the UK soon then . :c)
Thursday 4 November 2004 10.14am
I did think I'd seen it somewhere before...
Thursday 4 November 2004 11.27am
Whilst we're at it, can someone explain to me why it's called the "World Series" when only US teams play? Can't understand it at all....but then, I'm only a simple Aussie.
Thursday 4 November 2004 11.33am
I asked an American that question once - he looked very offended and said, "It includes Canadian teams too !" - as if that explained everything....
Thursday 4 November 2004 11.50am
I think it stems from the first time that they played, the winning team was so good that one of the newspapers called them the 'world champions', and it kind of stuck.
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